I’m not really fond of Facebook, but sometimes I find some amusing things there. The last one actually made me think quite a lot before commenting. It was posted on the Crossdressers group, and it was an apparently simple question: “If you woke up as a girl tomorrow, what are the top three things that you’d do?”
I’m assuming that the intention was to imagine our fantasy if this sudden transformation would happen by magic. As many of you know, you can wake up as a girl “tomorrow”, it’s mostly a question of… having money for the surgery. And very likely you’d be so sore, painful all over, that you will do little else but wait several weeks before the pain wears off to bearable levels. You can take a look at the many testimonials on YouTube about the time it takes to get completely healed and getting on with your lives. And it’s not just a single surgery; to the best of my knowledge, it’s pretty much impossible to get, all in a go, a facial femininisation surgery, breast implants, hip implants, possibly taking some ribs out of your chest (to allow you to get a more perfect hourglass shape), some liposuction, and sex reassignment surgery, all in one go (not to mention the time before the surgery to get all your body hair lasered out, as well as growing your hair — which can be done afterwards, if you’re fine with wigs or extensions — which, in some cases where we’re going bald in spots, might also mean some hair transplants). I never asked a surgeon how long that would take, but I would seriously suspect that it would take the whole day under anesthesia! So in the “real world” this would actually means several separate surgeries, all taking 6-12 weeks to recover from, and even if you do them in quick succession, I’d be hard pressed to think you’d be able to “wake up from one day to another in a female body” — more likely, only after one year at least (and probably longer!).
Nevertheless, we can naturally dream about a “magic” transformation! 🙂 Actually, when I was younger, I just loved to read crossdresser fiction, where an evil scientist gives you a pill that turns you female overnight, or has a machine with special rays that juggle your DNA around and makes all your cells turn female in a few hours, or, well, you just get a magic wish-wand and change yourself at a wave of the hand 🙂
So, what would you do? My first thought would be that I’d immediately go out shopping and take good care of my new body. But would I really do that as the very first thing?
I’m quite sure I wouldn’t resist, and, after perhaps the first shock or surprise, I’d immediately start to masturbate myself, as long as I could 🙂 Experimenting multiple orgasms and the ability to stay permanently horny for as long as I wish? Am I really fooling myself? Of course I’d think little or nothing about “clothes” at start 🙂
Eventually I guess that after I’d be too sore to continue, and after the novelty would wear off somehow, I might consider getting out of bed and do some shopping…
… or perhaps just fall back asleep, recover my energies, and start from scratch on the next day, exploring my new body once more?
For how long could I go on with this? 🙂 I really have no idea! Since I’m 11 or so, there have been very few nights where I didn’t fall asleep dreaming of being a woman and usually getting an orgasm that way; I’m not a fetishist crossdresser, nor a libidinous crossdresser, but a autogynephiliac crossdresser. The fetishist crossdresser gets turned on by wearing clothes and having sex while crossdressed (usually to males, but not necessarily so); the libidinous crossdresser doesn’t need sex to get excited, the actual sexual arousement comes from the sensation of wearing them, not from the idea of having sex with someone else. Autogynephiliac crossdressers tie their sexual arousal from the idea of themselves as women. In a sense, they’re the ultimate narcissists: they get excited about the idea of “having sex with their feminine image of themselves”. Naturally we autogynephiliac crossdresses love clothes and accessories, and we will feel compelled to wear them as often as we can, and to create the most passable image we can, since this will enhance our sexual pleasure from looking at the mirror and seeing the ultimate feminine image which soooo excites us.
I do get excited of merely imagining myself as female. When fully crossdressed, of course, that excitement is just orders of magnitude greater. The better I achieve my look, the more the excitement. One of the reasons I usually take so many pictures and movies of myself are purely because of self-pleasure: I am ultimately my biggest fan 🙂 Still, on the other hand, I’m also fully aware of all the limitations. I can look and act as a woman, and wear what women wear, but I’m not physically underneath a woman, and will (very likely) never be. Even the excitement I feel is expressed in male feelings of sexual arousal. In a sense, ejaculation is the end of the fun: I rather prefer to feel the “tingle” of orgasm for as long as I can without ejaculation, but my body, sadly, thinks otherwise. When I get too excited, and the orgasm is really reaching a climax, I have no other option but to ejaculate — and then it’s all over. I can’t say it’s bad, of course. But how limited that is compared to a genetic woman that can remain in that state of orgasm for hours and hours, letting herself come and go in waves, enjoying multiple orgasms, but still remain excited afterwards, and being able to sustain that pleasure almost endlessly… I’m just not physically equipped for that. My mind is willing, but my body has its own ideas on how long I can sustain a climax 🙂
And of course I’m used to it for the past 40 years… well, 30, to be honest, since I didn’t masturbate since I came out of my mothers’ womb. I can’t even say that I’m “frustrated” by that. Actually, for several years, I thought that SRS would not even be an option, because I saw it mostly as simply the final removal of maleness from one’s body; recent techniques, however, show that in almost all cases (as SRS becomes more popular and surgeons have far more experience with it, the techniques become increasingly better), sexual arousal by stimulating the neovagina will almost always produce an orgasm, and from the descriptions, it resembles the female orgasm pretty closely. Since there is no “ejaculation” any longer, the notion that the orgasm stops after the climax doesn’t apply to post-op transexuals. In theory, thus, they could remain in a state of permanent horniness, just like a genetic female. So, well, we seem to have made progress in terms of surgery techniques and technology, which is good, for the ones that are willing to go that route (and able to afford it!).
SRS is hardly rosy, though, as most of you know; it’s definitely not something you ought to be willing to go through just to have some better orgasms 🙂
So back to the imagined “magic transformation” — which would give me a genetic female’s internal organs without the pain of surgery and post-op complications… who am I kidding? I wouldn’t really “waste” my time in getting anything but multiple orgasms, hours after hours, day after day 🙂 How could I say when to stop? As said, I dream of being a woman and get excited about it almost every night — that means, right now, over 10,000 times I’ve been getting horny with that idea for an hour or so — and that without the appropriate genitalia to make me take full advantage of that excitement.
Thus, I cannot imagine that I could control myself. I’d had to fight very strongly not to completely lose my mind. I know I’m a rather strong person, and, due to my Buddhist training, I have a pretty good grip on my reactions to emotions. But this would completely blow me out of my mind — literally so. I’d probably starve to death, unable to think of anything else but to please myself, hours after endless hours 🙂
I mentioned “… until the novelty wears off”. But would it really wear off? Probably only after decades, and that only if hormonal changes due to menopause would lower the libido. But these days, these hormonal imbalances can be properly treated. So I can very well imagine pleasing myself for a couple decades or so, non-stop, and only go out to talk to a gynaecologist when I felt that the menopause was settling in, and getting hormonal treatment to correct the imbalances and keep the libido up 🙂 People would find me at my death’s bed grinning widely, one hand caressing the breasts, the other deep inside the vagina 🙂
In a sense, when thinking very seriously about this, it actually discourages me of considering a sex change, magical or otherwise. I’m not sure if I could continue to behave normally any longer; I think that for all practical purposes, I’d be stark raving mad for outsiders, as I would have no other interest in life but 24-hour-round masturbation. So very soon I’m sure someone would put me into a mental institution and force-feed drugs to me to lower the libido. Now imagine how terrible that would be: finally having the body you have dreamed of for the past 30 years, but not having any pleasure with it due to a drugged condition! How awful that would be! Much, much worse than what happens now — at least I can still enjoy myself, even if it’s only in my dreams, and get a little pleasure that way, even if it’s infinitely watered down due to the limitations of my male genitalia…
Waking up as a genetic female would definitely be a long-term curse. But, boy, those first hours (or days!) before they’d drag me kicking and screaming to the asylum, what fun would they be… 🙂