This was the result of a chat with one recent TG friend, whom I have “known” not for long, but who I’ve caught pretty much at the stage where she’s leaving CDing behind and embracing transition. I will return to that in a bit, but at some point in our conversation, she brought up how she had been complimented on her nails, and I asked her what kind she used (there are many brands of fake nails here), etc. She was somehow shocked. She said she did them professionally at the salon when engaging in a CD session (usually during our local equivalent of Mardi Gras; she actually doesn’t dress that often), and wouldn’t think of using anything glued or stuck on her real nails — “natural is better”, she claimed. Well, I didn’t disagree, I have even one or two videos on Multiply where I actually have painted my natural nails, but I just told them that they were too short — and my fingers too long, my hands too huge — to make them look good enough and passable as female fingernails, so I used fake ones.

“Why don’t you simply let them grow?” she asked in surprise. And to that I had no easy answer except “well, I can’t!” What would people in the street say? What would my wife say? What would my friends say? And so forth…

Her level of incredulity just grew and grew. “Nobody notices!” she exclaimed and to that I had no answer!

It’s true that I keep myself pretty much hairless on chest, arms (and armpits) and legs, and few people actually notice, even if I’m wearing shorts or T-shirts in “male mode”. Well, here and there I get a comment, but of course I shrug it off: it’s fashionable for guys to shave themselves fully these days, so people just laugh. The truth is, people get used to it very quickly. Most of my friends didn’t notice my arm hairs, and now they don’t notice my hairless arms.

But fingernails is something exquisitely feminine. How could anyone fail to notice them? So, well, I thought that this was too risky but I could certainly try to let them grow just a little bit longer, and if someone noticed, I could only mumble about having no time to cut them.

And so my nails grew and grew… and grew… and nobody noticed. I was expecting at least my wife to notice, but not even her said anything. To be honest, after 3 weeks of this, I cut them because I didn’t dare to let them grow more. But then I said to myself, why not? It’s not illegal to have long fingernails. And truly, nobody really noticed, and I can always cut them off; it’s not as if it’s something irreversible!

This fits a bit in the “life story” of a typical crossdresser who, at some stage, tries a bit more of body femaling, as explained on one previous article here at my blog (Reflecting upon transgenderism). We tend to start changing what we can safely change on our own bodies while reflecting on our transgenderism and on how far we want to go. Shaving one’s hair is reversible, and during most of the year, we can safely shave the legs at least; from there to shaving the whole body, since these days it’s acceptable for males, is a short step. Nails can be grown and cut at any time. Hair can be grown too, although it’s trickier to give it a feminine styling (but I’ve learned it’s possible to keep it in a braid so that nobody suspects), but long hair is acceptable for males as well. Piercing the ears is also acceptable for males in most countries and cultures (not mine, but this is an exception in most of the world), even though it’s slightly harder to reverse (but not utterly impossible). When you’ve exhausted all that, well, it’s time to think what comes next.

The experience with longer-than-male-average fingernails has been delightful! I always used to dream of not ungluing the fake ones after a CD session and just sleep with long fingernails and remove them in the morning, but, in truth, I haven’t done that in well over a decade — at the end, I gave up, and went through the tedious process of unsticking them (taking me sometimes as long as half an hour!). Now I just have them long — all the time. And a few things are very curious. Of course, if you wear glued-on nails when you dress, you already know the feeling: you need to pick objects differently; typing on a keyboard requires learning a new skill (it’s easy on flat keyboards, less so on the old ones); your gestures become naturally more feminine and elegant because long fingernails “demand” it. But you also lose something in the process: you need to pay more attention not to break nails, picking up very small objects is hard, and scratching your inner ears has to be done very carefully! Also, if you don’t have a pet at home, you might be at a loss to explain the occasional scratches while you slowly get used to long (and sharp!) fingernails!

In my case, I enjoy having to pay attention to what I do with my fingers — it’s also good meditation practice, but I’ll spare you the details; email me if you’re really interested in understanding why and I’ll be happy to explain. And, of course, when you get to dress, all your gestures are way more natural. It’s true that I still tend to be overprotective after polishing the nails, because I don’t want to ruin the polish, but in general, everything is so much easier with real, natural nails. You won’t be scared that they get unstuck at embarassing moments. And if you have healthy nails, they’ll be strong enough, so you don’t need to fear those gestures where a half-glued nail simply comes off. And, finally, you get an extra time enjoying the art of nail painting I’m actually lucky, and with good nail polish, I’m not too bad at applying it, but I remember my first attempts — hours and hours with polish remover to get them just right. Nowadays, I get them painted in about twice the time I took gluing fake nails on. Sure, it also means an extra expense (more nail polish!) but it’s cheaper than buying fake nails all the time (and I tend to reuse them over and over again).

So far, in the past two months, my wife only commented that my nails were “ugly” once. And she was right. With long nails comes something new: maintenance. Keeping them properly trimmed (mine are square, some might prefer round, oval is out of fashion and really catches the attention) takes time and some skill! And they need to be washed more often, specially beneath the nail. If you smoke, it means stains on the nails (unless if you use a holder — which I do, even as a male), and nothing catches the attention more than dirty, yellow nails. It takes some getting used to, but it’s another “femme” routine you get — like shaving your whole body — which every crossdresser should have the right to enjoy, even between CD sessions! I’m certainly having lots of fun, and I’m hoping to be able to do my own French manicure some day — it’s way harder than a simple, two-coat varnish coating, but it should be fun. What a pity it’s so much work for just a few hours!

But at least, when you undress and remove your makeup, something will remain from your femme self, which you can look at every moment of your life. And that’s what convinced me to keep them long: shaven arms might not be strictly female these days (since so many males do that anyway), but long fingernails are purely femme And it gives me a thrill when I go out to have dinner at my mother-in-law’s. I have now the longest nails on the group, which includes four women and usually another guy besides me. It’s uncanny how nobody notices! I do — like all crossdressers, I’m always looking at all details on women (the only great thing of actually being male is that it’s acceptable for males to look at women…) — and I’ve certainly noticed that my sister-in-law has far less skill in applying nail polish than I have. She would have cardiac arrest if she knew about my crossdressing so I cannot offer to do it for her; my wife, however, has considered letting me do her nails, which made me proud After all, it’s just a question of practice, and having a relatively steady hand — I don’t have the steadiest hand in the universe (I’m always way too excited!) but nevertheless manage to do an acceptable job. And no, you cannot fully appreciate it on the low-rez pictures and videos on Multiply When I get some good quality nail varnish, I promise to do a close-up some day; the bottles I have are drying up and getting clogged…

Anyway, my point is, don’t worry too much about letting your natural fingernails grow: most likely, absolutely nobody will notice. Try it out for fun and let me know about your experiences!

The question is actually a hard one. Not so long ago, most MtF transexuals had few options left beyond living as show girls and/or prostitutes, both being still in high demand. But not every MtF transexual wants to spend the rest of their lives as sexual workers or on a stage. Many might just want to get a job and continue with their lives.

Now, these days, most of the jobs can be held either by men or women, so things in the 21st century are easier — even though there is obviously the barrier of prejudice to be overcome, and, to a degree, this will mostly mean how “good” you look after transition (yes, sadly, appearances are still very important). If, thanks to lucky genes, hormone therapy, surgery, or all of the above, it’s impossible to distinguish a MtF transexual from a genetic girl, well, then any job might be possible.

And perhaps finding a job or even getting paid more as a woman is actually not such a wild dream. The video below shows how women are “taking over the world” — slowly, of course, but there is a huge change in our society. Obviously the speaker (a woman!) is partial and biased. But I have seen many of the hints that she shows on the video to be true in the workplace. Except for very-high-techy work environments, I have seen companies and organisations where all employees are females, with one or two exceptions — and I’m not talking about the very creative environments that Hanna Rosin talks about in her video, but things like accountants (my own accountant office only has women working in the office!) and lawyers, for example; or even bank branch offices (while as late as 1995 there would be no women at all inside a bank!).

Biased or not, one thing seems to be clear from the video below: being a woman actuallyincreases your chances of getting a high-paid job these days  If so, it’s a great encouragement for MtF transexuals to go through their transition in order to survive the recession and get a good job

Also, full cross-dressing was at the beginning done at hotels. Hotels, if you know, have “cleaning times”, and it means that during those times, I wouldn’t want to “get caught”. So, figuring out the appropriate times for cross-dressing weren’t easy — as well as getting the “right” place too change. It should be remote enough, but not too remote; and since I was on holidays anyway, it should be a relaxing and inviting place anyway!

In 1999, I had already accumulated some interesting stuff. The wig is still the one I use today — it’s made of human hair, which is usually expensive, but nothing can beat it for a realistic look, since it’s real hair you’ll be using, not plastic. Sure, there is a big difference between real European hair or real Indian/Chinese hair (which is less expensive), but it has a completely different feel than a wig made of “plastic” hair, no matter how good they are these days.

The latex breasts have long been discarded. I’m on my second set of silicone breast forms, and would love to be able to afford the newest technology. The pair I own is the “next-to-newest” technology. Lots of companies have entered the market for silicone breastforms, sadly because of so many genetic females buying them after mastectomy. These very same companies also understood that there must be a market for cross-dressers as well, since these breastforms are clearly designed for cross-dressers: they have velcro bands that can be attached to a surgical adhesive which is placed on your skin. So you can attach them when you wish to dress up, but detach them very easily if you need to wear male clothes. They are very realistic in terms of weight and “bouncing” — silicone has the same density and consistency as human flesh, and even the texturing is similar. The nipples used to be glued separately, but current forms have gotten more and more realistic ones. The previous generation had to be glued directly on top of your skin; believe me, that is an experience you will never forget, especially if you just have a few hours to cross-dress. Fortunately, for the ones in a hurry, specially-designed bras will hold your breastforms inside — one thing that has become more and more easy to find, as even genetic females are using all sorts of silicone “props” to enhance their cleavage.

And then, of course, the inevitable waist cinchers and corsets, and a gaff to hide your male genitalia. I was rather perplexed and anxious about the corsets, having read, like most people, how bad they were in Victorian days. It seems nowadays that there is more “myth” than “science”; of course, a badly adjusted corset is not really recommended, but a good one will very likely benefit your stance, since you’ll be always standing and sitting in a very correct position. Also, a regular use of corsets will do marvels to your belly — this is called “waist training” (getting your abdominals to contract properly and keeping your tummy in, like your mother probably told you when you were a child!) — and it’s definitely much safer than any chemicals or pills you take to reduce your appetite and force an unnatural diet.

Not long ago, even men wore corsets. Today, there is a slight revivalism of the female corset, but it’s not widespread. In any case, it’s something you wear under your clothes and will be mostly invisible most of the time, if worn properly — but, of course, the tremendous change it’ll do to your figure will be immediately recognisable!

I also used to worry about eventual damage to internal organs — yes, that can happen if you get too aggressive with the fastening together! What most people recommend is a “gradual” tightening — never too much that you can’t breathe! — since your body will adjust to it. After an hour or two of wearing a corset, you’ll be able to tighten it another inch again, since your body will “fit” better into the corset. This is a rather amazing effect, and much less bothersome than most would think. Most people tighten their first corset too much, and naturally, they’ll dismiss it as being too painful. Indeed, the trick is always doing it gradually.

In my case, I have lots of similar things to help to get a proper figure, and I don’t wear them all. I’m lucky enough to have very reasonable legs, so I don’t need to hide them; I have also a rather large bottom for a male, so, although I still have some garments with padding, these days I don’t use them any more. Sure, I have no wide hips — but a large bottom, plus a corset, will give me a reasonable enough “hourglass shape”. My major problem are the too thick arms — although with little muscle — and, of course, the very wide chest, which is impossible to hide.

Cross-dressers, when shopping for breast forms, tend to buy the largest ones they can find. Lots of anedoctal evidence show that they get very unhappy because it simply doesn’t look so good on them, and they should buy smaller sizes instead. Aware of those pitfalls, the first pair I bought were C cups. But I didn’t take into account my wide chest. I have bought D cups since then — they look huge — but they work rather well because of my wide chest. They even look small, if that is altogether possible!

This is, I believe, one of the largest issues on “buying from the Internet”. On one hand, it is very easy, you get really good bargains (most with high quality), and packaging is discreet. You also get lots of options. The downside, of course, is that you won’t ever know if things “fit”. Sizes vary so much across countries and even shops, it’s almost impossible to know if you’ll buy a pair of shoes that is, indeed, your size — even if the friendly shopper provides you with all sorts of charts and measuring guides.

But what are the alternatives? For me, not many — in my country, cross-dressing is unorganised, there are almost no support groups, and most are targeted to fetishism cross-dressing anyway, and frown upon cross-dressers that are not interested in having sex with them. So it’s harder on me. Other countries have all sorts of local support groups, as well as many shops catering for the needs of cross-dressers. This means that they are “safe” environments where you can try out things on your own, and make sure everything fits properly — and even get a professional opinion.

I’m lucky, since my Significant Other helps me out saying what is “plainly wrong”; she’s rather critical of my “antiquated” tastes and has encouraging me, over the past, to adopt a more casual look — sometimes even shopping for me. I think she’s right — you can judge from the pictures what you prefer — but I also like the glamour of an evening dress. And although she thinks that I’m not ready to “pass” in the streets, at least she managed to give me a more “passable” look. Things can only improve with training!

Next came the shops

Well, if you’re 1.78 m tall (5’10) in a country where the average woman is perhaps 1.65m tall, you have a problem — finding clothes, not to mention shoes (around here, women’s shoes go up to 41 on shops… and I wear a 43 1/2!) Bra sizes or panties do come in larger sizes… but they are designed for women of over 50 year, and weighing 100 kg of more. So don’t expect any fashion statements there

I looked for some online shops for countries where women are much taller — like in the Netherlands,
Germany, or the Skandinavian countries. It was rather a surprise to find not only how big the offerings were — lots of choices, even in 1995! — but that there were all sorts of shops attending exactly the needs of cross-dressers. This naturally amazed me quite a bit, since the first dress I bought, at a popular market on the street, definitely did not fit well.

So, hmm, clothes designed specifically for crossdressers. I had to try those out.

Living still at my parent’s home, my first clothes were simply stashed in a bag in my car. I always wonder why nobody ever suspected what those bags actually contained. There are always times when I could be alone on my own, and after blushing violently to pick up the parcels at a P.O. box near my workplace, I finally managed to try my first things out.

Many others have described the feelings when they first tried out their female clothes. For most cross-dressers, this happens usually very early in their lives — between 9-11 years, most often, then perhaps during their teens. In my case, I was almost 26, so I missed the whole “childhood experience”. It was, so to speak, a very first time. And I couldn’t believe how good it felt! It was clear, by then, that I had no other choice to accept that I liked it — nay, I was absolutely swept away by the feeling of all those lacy clothes, their textures, their smell. And at that time I just got rather simple things, a pair of panties, a very simple skirt, one or two plain panties, a bra or two. Nothing earth-shattering.

All cross-dressers know how addictive cross-dressing can become — once you feel the freedom and pleasure of wearing female clothes, it’s hard to stop. I hardly paused for breath before logging in to one popular cross-dresser shop once again, and starting to do some serious shopping. This time, a wig, and some latex breasts — wrapped-up socks simply didn’t feel “good enough” — and some sexy stockings. Also, some makeup, and a handbook to get some tips, to complement the ones I already got through the Web.

I remember at that time that I couldn’t even wait to try them on — so, after most people at the office left (I used to work late hours — a bad habit I still have!), I tried them on on the bathroom just after getting them from the post office. Well, it was pure heaven — even in such a cramped space as a public toilet!

As time passed, it seems that my addictiveness grew, and I wanted what for some cross-dressers is the ultimate goal: being able “to pass”. This follows an old rule: “You can fool some people all the time, and you can even fool all the people some time, but you can never fool all the people all the time” which is one of the cross-dresser’s mantra.”Fooling all the people for some time” means that the goal is to be able to pass as a female in a public space without people looking at you twice. It’s not easy to achieve, specially if you haven’t had the training as an actor and have to rely upon observation.

The other issue, of course, is that male and female bodies are usually easy to distinguish. Tricking the eye with an optical illusion — making others think that they’re seeing a female — is not easy, specially if you aim to have a “casual” look, while still presenting to oneself an exciting image. If you overdo it, you’ll be tagged as a drag queen — something that is hard not to notice.

At that point, I understood that getting a cheap wig, a few non-descript tops and skirts, and latex breasts were not enough. It was time to consider some more shopping!