very well put Sandra…

You might be right about that, Joanna. The mystic 90% figure was quoted from a sociologist, who, however, admitted that this could be just an estimate — since the ‘vast majority’ couldn’t care less for surveys (or, rather, effectively avoids them). This would lead to about 10% of crossdressers being non-fetishists. And I would also argue that among those 10%, the percentage of actual transgendered people who eventually do go through transition is quite high. My own theory — that of the ‘failed transexual’ — is that, among this group, all (or almost all) would go through transition if they only could, but I admit that this is quite controversial. There are so many reasons for not going through transition that the actual numbers we see are for the most extreme individuals in this group: those for whom the only alternative to transition is suicide.

But then we got your own example: people who denied themselves transition for decades only to pick it up at a much later stage in life. The parochial evidence I have for those cases almost usually fall into two major reasons: the first is a divorce or death of a partner, and becoming single again, and thus free of all ties to a family who prevented transition. The second reason comes from an improvement of financial conditions, meaning less stress about getting a job — therefore, the high percentage of retired transgendered individuals who finally do their transition. Put in other words: there are a plethora of good reasons against transition. In the extreme cases, we have those for whom death is the only alternative — they will go through transition as quickly as possible. Then we have those who might not yet have contemplated suicide, but are oppressed by long-lasting depression/anxiety, and unable to function in society. They might go through transition as well, because the alternative is just continuing to be depressed/anxious and unable to work anyway. Then comes a vast variety of cases where family, friends, job, social perception of transgendered individuals, etc. are all reasons for not going through transition, and this might mean a long period where they simply crossdress (or not even that) for some relief, but just endure their situation for a long time, mostly in secret. When some of those conditions change, they might consider transition again.

So yes, I agree, there is definitely a broad spectrum here, and not only people change, but conditions around them change as well. In many cases, conditions and individual choices align themselves perfectly, and that individual might start their transition. I would consider myself as being in that group as well. My depression is not so serious that I view my only alternative being suicide, and all other factors (family, friends, job) prevent me from going through transition, but if those conditions would change, I wouldn’t hesitate any longer.

Still, my point was that the vast majority of crossdressers which the public is exposed to are fetishists, and those are the ones that set the global image for crossdressing — and, because of that, this image ‘spills over’ to other transgendered people as well.

You have answered yourself neatly. I'm heterosexual, so, like all heterosexuals with XY chromosomes, I have never wanted to have sex with another individual with XY chromosomes 🙂

If I had different sexual preferences, I would have labeled myself as bisexual or at least bi-curious, not heterosexual.

I would say… quite a lot! I would claim that the vast majority of male crossdressers are in the same category as you, but are not so open — or insightful — about their own sexual preferences and/or fantasies. You, by contrast, have no qualms in naming things just as they are. Others feel like you do but are not honest to themselves about it.

I seem to be somewhere between all the categories, yet similar to more than one of them. Let's see: bisexual male, knew it and comfortable with it since puberty; heteroromantic; in a monogamous relationship with a woman, and decades of great sex together. Yes, I dress in secret, and yes, the arousal is partly a fetishistic attachment to the garments themselves. But I also feel exceedingly feminine and would seduce any man in a heartbeat – except for not wanting to violate the honor of my relationship. So, no disappointing sex life with the opposite sex, not heterosexual and not in denial about my attraction to men, aroused by both the fetish of clothing and also a very feminine lust for hard sex with a man. Of course I have no idea of how many men also fit that category.

Thank you for your comment! I appreciate it 🙂