Comments on: Crossdressing: techniques to deal with urges, anxiety, and disappointment

By: Adrienne Phaneuf

Adrienne Phaneuf — Sun, 22 Mar 2015 00:05:00 +0000

It seems I find myself spending more time reading your essays than indulging myself in your provocative YouTube videos. I can scarcely believe this! But your depth and complexity are a marvel. In this particular blog, your technique for dealing with powerful crossdressing and other fetishistic urges is immensely helpful for me–not just in controlling my urges and preventing them from going out of control, but in a general sense; the meditative state–simply clearing one’s mind and breathing. When I am in what is now my “natural” mental state, what happens to me is quite the opposite of your technique: My thoughts run wild, incessant, every thought is followed by another and more…to the point where I am sometimes afraid to be “left alone inside my own head.” I find that with some effort and concentration, I can let all that go and achieve a state of relaxation which is of immense value to my general mental health and well-being.

Thank you so much for sharing your insights. (And the incredible videos…even though you have confessed to some degree of narcissism, I feel it prudent to resist the urge to expound on your physical alluire.)

By: Sandra M. Lopes

Sandra M. Lopes — Tue, 10 Mar 2015 14:11:11 +0000

In reply to Anybody. Hear, hear. I agree with you :) And yes, I definitely have a narcissistic streak as well — a quite pronounced one, as I astonished myself the other day — first time out at a bar with my friends — where I was constantly looking for a mirror to see how I looked! Dressing at home means that I always have a webcam fixed on my face, so I can check myself all the time. Hmm. Was that 7 or 8 "I"s? :-)

By: Anybody

Anybody — Sun, 08 Mar 2015 09:59:21 +0000

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article, the insight within is quite admirable. I wouldn't say I've emerged myself into the crossdressing world enough to have so much attachment to it. The feeling of women's clothing is a fleeting joy that I feel I've lost my lust for. It was never really about sex for me. Just seeing what's possible. I have this knack for becoming obsessed with what I find beautiful, and as narcissistic as it may be, I feel I only ever dressed to see myself as beautiful, not handsome or cute. But being beautiful doesn't make me happy. Being alive and able makes me happy. There are too many ways to enjoy the world at hand rather than becoming engrossed in one single perception of yourself. Maybe I'm just fooling myself in one way or another. I doubt my desires will fade altogether, there's a part of me that always wants something or another. But the misery that is attached to those desires fades just as anything else with time. and there's my narcissism kicking in, I've probably said "I" 20 times if not more. Back to the point, your writing is very insightful and elegant, and I applaud you for it 🙂

By: Sandra M. Lopes

Sandra M. Lopes — Fri, 27 Feb 2015 01:22:58 +0000

In reply to anims.

No meu caso, a meditação ajuda-me mais a explorar o que se passa pela minha mente — e já não é mau! Idealmente, se fosse uma praticante avançada, seria capaz de ver «para além do género», reconhecer como são meramente convenções sem existência intrínseca, e, dessa forma, imediatamente resolver todos os meus problemas.

Mas sou meramente uma principiante. Precisarei de décadas de meditação para atingir esse estado 🙂 Lá chegarei, um pouco de cada vez, todos os dias…

By: anims

anims — Thu, 26 Feb 2015 23:04:21 +0000

Muito obrigado por as reflexoes. E muito dificil de equilibrar o facto de ser um crossdresser e viver no dia a dia. Eu tambem acho que fazer meditaçao pode provocar uma melhoria.

By: Sandra M. Lopes

Sandra M. Lopes — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 06:59:46 +0000

In reply to angi. Aw, I really hope you don't lose your friend... In my experience, transgenderity can be suppressed, but like all suppressed psychological things, they will bounce back and make their claim, sooner or later. Also, I would say that almost all transgender forums are open to those who love transgender persons. A good resource to start would be Susan's Place Transgender Resources. They have forums specifically for transgender significant others.

By: angi

angi — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 02:02:00 +0000

I am not Transgender, my best friend is. I keep telling her what a gift she is, she loves to dress up and being pretty, but still has the male parts, as far as I’m concerned, that’s the perfect partner! She recently got engaged, to a woman who doesn’t understand….I’m terrified that I’m going to lose my friend. She tried to hide herself away behind her male exterior. She feels shame after dressing up…. are there any sites for those of us who love a Transgender person? Just so that we can be supportive without hurting their feelings? I guess I would just like to have other ways to tell her that she’s beautiful and perfect just how she is.

By: Lorenita Terremoto

Lorenita Terremoto — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 19:23:13 +0000

Hope it prove helpful,cannot yet check it,just begin….but even a thick text,will havee second resings(and thirds,and fourths..).Congrats and thanks so much for the effort

By: Sandra M. Lopes

Sandra M. Lopes — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 01:06:58 +0000

In reply to Patrícia Coelho. Aw thanks Patrícia. I have no merit in this article; I just had good teachers. I'm just a bad student :-)

By: Patrícia Coelho

Patrícia Coelho — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 00:25:34 +0000

Wow!

As you say… huge (but awesome) article.
But let me tell you my FRIEND Sandra, It was the best thing that I've ever readed from you.
Every day "we" learn, and today, I haje just not learned, I've also knew me (and how do I "think") a litle more.

With love:
Patrícia Coelho